Fire Ants vs...

Fire ants have a degree of awesomeness that cannot be replicated by other insects. They are dangerous, relentless, stinging robots that attack anything that comes near their nest without any regard for their own lives. Even their name sounds menacing - putting other contenders like a "stink bug" or "dung beetle" in their place without even having to go to the trouble of biting out their intestines. Let's see how other challengers fare in the real world:

Fire Ants vs. Locusts
Advantages:
  • Ability to make annoying chirping noise
  • Protective cocoon, difficult to bite through its skin
  • Flight
  • Hibernating

 

 Advantages:
  • No ears
  • Will try to bite anything
  • Can declare victory if locust pusses out and flies away
  • More awesome than some stupid locust

 

And the winner is...

Fire ants! Their swarming powers, combined with a locust generally lacking any combat abilities other than rolling around on top of the angry pile of fire ants, gave them the edge. Locust supporters will need to look elsewhere for a more evenly matched opponent, such as aphids or caterpillars.

Fire Ants vs. Wasp
Advantages:
  • Gets very angry
  • Nasty bite
  • Looks intimidating

 

 Advantages:
  • Gets very angry and runs around in circles
  • Nasty bite, and lots of friends
  • Tiny brain is incapable of being intimidated

 

And the winner is...

Fire ants! Unfortunately for the wasp, sheer numbers overwhelm it - a single bite is simply not as effective as hundreds of highly angry little ants taking out their rage on every part of the wasp. A valiant effort at twitching free notwithstanding, it is plain that a wasp is no match for a fire ant mound.

Fire Ants vs. Ant Lion

 
Advantages:
  • Evolved to eat ants
  • Big claws perfect for grabbing
  • Can stealthily attack from its burrow

 

 Advantages:
  • Does not care if it gets eaten
  • Can wriggle free of claws
  • Also good at burrowing

 

And the winner is...

Tie! The ant lion is able to grab a few lone fire ants as they wander around. However, many are able to escape - leaving them around to attack another day in a larger group. Picking off one or two fire ants is not enough to make the Ant Lion the superior bug.

Fire Ants vs. Giant, Pissed Off Spider
Advantages:
  • More legs than an ant
  • Can spin webs
  • Spider-sense
  • Giant and pissed off

 

 Advantages:
  • Legs are good target for biting
  • Can bite through webs
  • Gamma-ray induced ant rage
  • Small, difficult target

 

And the winner is...

Giant, pissed off spider! The spider did have the advantage of it being a cage match, with no possibility of reinforcements from the mound. However, spider-related powers enabled it to pick off each ant one by one, herding the remainder into a useless, writhing pile of biting.

Fire Ants vs. Fire Crackers
Advantages:
  • Exploding
  • Inanimate object, incapable of feeling bites
  • Can blow up lots of ants at once

 

 Advantages:
  • Good at being exploded
  • Giggling teenagers who light them are vulnerable
  • Plenty more ants where that came from

 

And the winner is...

Tie! Sure, lots of fire ants get blown up - but they don't care, and the swarming will continue long after all of the fireworks are gone. It takes something bigger than an M-80 to get rid of a fire ant nest. In fact, fire ants like exploding - it gives them a great excuse to run around even more pissed off than they usually are. Ultimately, however, the small brains of the fire ant make them incapable of understanding that they should focus their bites on the drunken source of the firecrackers - forcing the battle into a tie.

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Text copyright 2007 Controlfireants.com and may not be reproduced without consent. This is not the official web page of any of the products listed on this site, this is a review page created by an individual. Picture of ant lion is used under a creative commons license and was taken by Scott Robinson of Rockville, MD. The original picture is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/clearlyambiguous/44834322/